


Let There Be New Beginnings

by this_is_the_end



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-18
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:38:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_is_the_end/pseuds/this_is_the_end
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has always been insecure about himself and recently those thoughts have been all he can think about. He only wants to prove that he is exactly the son his father wanted him to be... Can Cas reassure him that he is perfect for just being himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Useless

**Author's Note:**

> I have only watched up to Season 5, so my knowledge is a bit limited, although I do know more about Destiel from friends and snooping websites. I would appreciate it if any comments could not have any spoilers in them, thanks. Read and enjoy! :)

He was a mistake. He was not meant to happen – He’d known that all his life. He could never do anything right and a voice would always burn that fact into his head. 

Dean was a useless human being.

He’d fought too many wars and lost just as many. He’d lost too many lives and been unable to save the other from a later fate. He was a horrible hunter who could barely save his own sorry ass, much less someone else’s.

Sighing, Dean rolled out of bed and stared blankly into the darkened motel room. His feet dangled over the edge of the bed as he looked out the darkly-curtained window to the murky raining world. 

The motel was just varying shades of red and maroon, nothing to accent it and make it any less cheap looking. He slowly set his feet down on the carpet and walked into the bathroom, his mind briefly wandering to the maroon floral wallpaper. He hissed a curse word under his breath as he slammed his fist onto the doorframe, the wood echoing out with protest.

His hazel eyes connected with the mirror, his lips curling in an automatic scowl. He leaned against the wall in front of the mirror, his arms crossed over his chest. He looked just like his father – he was a constant reminder of the man that had influenced so much of his life. He hated the fact that he could never escape the ghosts of his past, no matter how much he tried.

He couldn’t do anything well enough. He could never be the son his father so badly wanted him to be, or, the son his father so badly deserved. He could never live up to the expectations that had been loaded onto his shoulders for his whole life – he would never be able to give his father what he had wanted.

Dean scowled and slammed his fist against the wall again before sharply turning his back to the reflection. He turned on the shower to a scalding heat and stepped in, letting the boiling water tear at his skin. The pain ran down his spine and pooled at his feet, a constant reminder of exactly what he could never be.  
He deserved it. He deserved the pain he was receiving and reveling in; all of it. He wanted this to be his way of apologizing to his father; maybe even his way of silently apologizing to Sam. It was his way of knowing that he was still alive, despite wanting so badly to be otherwise.

The water shut off and he grumbled as he got out of the shower. He went about the robotic movements of dressing, his eyes catching the reflection again before he quickly looked away. He took one step after the other and was soon out in the room again, standing in the middle of it, looking like some lost fool. Sam was gone, probably working on finding a case again. Great, that just gave him more time to wallow by himself.

He walked over to the bed, turning his back to the door and staring out the window. The sun caught his eye, the hazel shining brightly in contrast to the dark expression he wore. His hands intertwined in his lap, his eyes falling down as he looked at his arms in dismay. He could see every scar he had ever received and knew exactly where he had gotten them. He could still feel the Hell Hound digging into his abdomen…

_You are useless._

_You will give into me._

_You will be mine, Dean Winchester._

The words hissed in his mind and he cringed, fear gripping his whole being with a grip he had never thought could be any tighter. Instead, he ended up falling back against the bed with his arms outstretched on either side of himself. He thought briefly that he looked a bit like a cross, but then that thought morphed into thoughts of Cas.

Where was the angel when you needed him?

“Dean,” A voice greeted as Dean nearly jumped out of his skin. He lurched forward in the bed, facing the window before whirling to face the door and the trench coat-clad-man that stood in it.

“Damn it, Cas. What did I tell you about doing that?” Dean’s voice was low and sour, clearly showing his anger. At his remark, Cas cocked his head slightly and studied Dean with confused blue eyes.

“You’re angry about something,” Cas stated, taking a few steps forward. Dean sighed, turning away from him in a dismissive manner.

“Stop trying to dig into my brain, Cas,” Dean warned, his hand gesturing over his shoulder as if to shoo the angel away.

“No. If something is bothering you, please confide in me,” Cas struggled to make the words come out without Dean cutting him off. He closed the distance between them, grabbing Dean’s arm to turn him around. Dean pulled free of his grip, instead shoving his own arm up against the angel’s throat as the force of his move propelled them both into the nearby wall.

“Do not push me right now, Cas. I don’t want to talk about it, because there is nothing to talk about!” Dean’s voice rose at the last sentence as Dean pushed the angel further against the wall with his arm. Dean backed away, letting his arm drop, but staying in a defensive position. Castiel did not move, simply stood there and watched Dean carefully.

 _Why in the hell did everyone want to talk to him?_ Did they not get that he was a distant person and did not want to get all touchy feely? Why in the hell did everyone have to dig into his business?

“Dean, I am simply concerned –”

“Oh, that’s rich! An Angel being concerned for a human?” Dean cut the angel off rudely, his voice angry and elevated. “Last I checked, some of you wanted us all dead!”

The room echoed with his voice for a brief second before it hollowed with silence. Their eyes still connected in a glare, Dean saw Cas’ eyes waver with a hint of guilt. Cas shifted from his defensive position to a more relaxed one.

“Some of us do care about you, Dean – and I do not refer to the angels,” He stated, his voice even and deep. Dean had opened his mouth to make a comeback, only to have been cut off and left there with his jaw hanging open. “I was simply showing what I believe you like to call ‘concern’. I am sorry if it offended you.”  


Cas lowered his head with his apology, his face looking sincerely dejected. Dean cursed mentally as the angel moved to leave, walking over and catching Cas by the hand.

“No, you’re right, Cas. It’s me who should be apologizing – I’m just an ass, I guess,” Dean mumbled, looking away from the studious angel, feeling that in some way Cas could see straight to his soul.

“What is bothering you?” Cas questioned again, turning his body so that the two were almost chest-to-chest. Dean wanted to complain about the invasion of personal space, but instead, found he could say nothing. He looked back up into Cas’ eyes and could feel himself begin to get lost.

“It’s nothing,” He evaded the question smoothly, but Cas’ eyes still flickered with too much knowledge.

“I know you are lying,” Cas stated, shifting his weight in just the right way so that their breath began to mingle and their faces were only inches apart.

“I don’t see why it matters,” Dean’s voice shook for the briefest of seconds, his eyes flickering to Cas’ lips.

_Damn it. He was acting like a helpless teenage girl._

“It matters to those who care for you, Dean,” Cas replied evenly, his blue eyes sparkling in the light. The air grew silent around them and neither moved. Dean’s mind was whirling and spinning around at almost too fast a pace.

Did people really care for him? That just meant… that meant they would do stupid things for him. They would risk their life for him… He wasn’t worth that. He was not worth a life… their life.

“Dean, stop thinking like that,” Cas whispered, one hand resting on the mans’ chest. Dean snapped back to the present, his lips opening to protest slightly. At that, Cas suddenly leaned forward and pressed their lips together.

Dean’s first reaction was none at all. Then, slowly, he registered what was happening. He pressed closer, his hands knotting into Cas’ trench coat at his waist. Their bodies pressed together and their lips moved in synch, sending chills down Dean’s spine. When Cas pulled away, Dean only held him closer.,

“What…Why…?” Dean muttered, Cas’ breath fogging his face. Their foreheads were pressed together, Cas’ hand still on Dean’s chest as Dean’s knotted tighter into the fabric of his trench coat.

“I have been talking to Sam… my feelings have grown for you, Dean,” Cas stated, his blue eyes shining. Dean said nothing, simply moved one of his hands to cup Cas’ face.

“He told you to do that?”

“He suggested it, yes.”

“Remind me to thank him,” Dean finished before claiming Cas’ lips again. This time, he kissed with all his heart and smiled against the angel’s lips as Cas wrapped his arm around Dean’s waist and pulled them closer. They both lost themselves to the kiss, completely forgetting any world around them. They finally pulled away for air, but neither moved far.

“You do not object?” Cas questioned, gasping lightly as Dean kissed and nipped at his jaw. He nudged the angel’s neck with his nose playfully before he answered.

“Not at all. Did you expect me to?” Dean barely got the sentence out before Cas was kissing him again. Somehow, Dean soon got Cas pinned up against the wall again. Their bodies were pressed flush against each other, Cas’ hands knotting into Dean’s hair as Dean’s grip on his hips tightened. Dean ran his tongue along Cas’ lower lip, silently asking for entry. Cas eagerly obliged and let out a moan as their tongues clashed.

Dean ran his hands up Cas’ chest, pulling at his shirt and succeeding in taking his trench coat off. Cas leaned forward, kissing down Dean’s neck and getting an eager reaction out of the man, as he slowly took off two layers of Dean’s jackets. Cas stopped and simply buried his head against Dean’s skin as he kissed the mans’ collarbone and smelled his musky scent.

“Hey, Dean, I –” Sam’s voice rang out and the two hurriedly broke apart. Dean had turned his back to the window to face Sam, halfway blocking Cas as though he could hide what Sam had just walked in on. Cas shifted behind him as he grabbed his trench coat from the ground, looking like the girl that just got caught with her shirt off. Sam’s eyes went wide for the briefest of seconds before a smile spread across his face and he began to laugh.

“Sorry, I’ll… Ha, I’ll leave you two alone,” Sam sputtered through his laughter, getting a glare out of Dean. The older brother took a step forward, calling out to the brunette as he started to walk out the door.

“Sam, wait,” Dean began the sentence sounding angry, but then his voice transitioned into a softer tone. His face went from glaring to almost a thankful look, as he seemed to rethink the words he was going to say to his brother. Sam looked back, confusion crossing his face as he stared at his brother. “Thanks,” Dean muttered, almost sounding sheepish to whisper the word.

“Anytime,” Sam replied, the smile finding his face once again as he looked beyond Dean to the still sheepish Cas. “Good luck, man,” He smiled and gave Cas a wave before attempting to shut the door behind him. Before he could, another hand stopped him as its’ owner popped his head into the room.

“Gettin’ laid! Nice, bro!” Gabriel shouted, loud and obnoxious as usual. Cas made an odd sound as his face lit up with blush, getting Dean to glare over his shoulder at the angel. “Make it good, Dean-o!” He teased before being herded out the door by an embarrassed Sam. “Aw, come on Samsquatch, they –” Before the angel could finish anything, Sam slapped him on the back of the head and shut the door behind them.

“You say anything, and _you’re_ not getting laid tonight.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the wonderful smexy-ness

Dean turned back to Cas who still had a face hinted with blush and sparkling blue eyes. He smiled and took a step forward, resting his hands gently on the angel’s hips. As he leaned in, Cas shifted away and pressed his hands to Dean’s chest.

“You cannot avoid the conversation, Dean,” Cas muttered, a small smile on his lips. At his words, Dean tensed and looked to Cas with a half-glare.

“Nothing’s wrong, Cas. I’m fine,” Dean reassured, trying to press closer and get out of the conversation while he could. Cas pushed against him, still keeping enough distance to continue.

“I do not believe you. Tell me – what is bothering you?” Cas showed genuine compassion in his glowing blue orbs as his hands tightened around Dean’s shirt. Dean sighed and pulled away, letting Cas’ hands fall away.

“We aren’t having this conversation, Cas,” Dean threatened, his voice getting low with anger. Cas looked unperturbed by his threats and only watched him in his usual studious manner.

“No, Dean, we are having this conversation now. I gather that you feel inadequate in some way – you should not. You are perfect, Dean, whether you see that or not. You and your brother both mention your father – he would be proud to see you as his son.”

“No, you’re wrong,” Dean growled, anger finally clouding his judgment. “He was always disappointed in me – he always wanted me to do better, whereas Sam could do no wrong. The minute Sam walked out that door, his whole world was shattered. Any time I would threaten to leave, he would look straight at me and call me names I didn’t even know existed,” Dean’s voice rose with each struggled syllable, and with each word he felt himself get closer to his breaking point. His whole body tensed and he could physically feel any bliss he had had moments ago wash out of his system and leave him completely isolated.

“He did not mean those words. He did not mean to hurt you – that is never any parents wish,” Castiel tried to comfort the man, knowing full well that this was only just scratching the surface. “A father’s love is most unique, Dean, he –”

“How the hell would you know about a father’s love? Yours is a freakin’ myth you haven’t even every laid eyes on!” Dean shouted the words in a tone he hadn’t known he had, and watched silently as he could see Castiel shatter.

“While that is true, I still have faith in him, Dean. Not because he is God and I an angel, but because he is my father and I know that what he chooses for me is for the best,” Cas stated, his voice eerily calm and even toned. Dean clenched his hands into fists as his sides, finally looking away from the angel in pure anger.

“Would you trust him still if he was a known alcoholic and beat you? Would you still trust his sorry ass when you had to drive him home – which doesn’t even fit the definition of home – at one in the morning? And more importantly, would you still trust him when he put a gun in your hands at the age of six and beat you if you missed by even a hair?”

Dean’s voice shook and cracked as violent memories hit him over the head.

“Would you love him when you took the beatings for your brother, simply so you didn’t have to see him cry and… and know that you could have saved him?” Dean trailed off, his vision blurring as the tears finally spilled over and crawled down his cheeks. He stumbled back numbly, falling onto the mattress weakly.

His mind was spinning with what he’d just revealed – he’d just spilled all of that to Cas. Cas before his brother… _god damn it_ – don’t feel guilty now. Not another emotion, please.

Why’d he trust Cas so much… why didn’t he tell Sam? Why, after all these years and all they’d been through, had he not already had this same conversation with his brother?

Why was he so god damn broken?

“Dean I never knew… I am sorry about all of this,” Cas came and sat next to him, one arm wrapped loosely around his shoulders. Dean tensed but didn’t pull away, knowing that the whole point of this was comfort.

“You can’t apologize for something you weren’t involved in, Cas,” Dean mumbled, taking one labored breath after the other. After a long pause, Dean’s shoulders began to shake and the tears began again. “I’m scared, Cas.”

“Of what?” Cas questioned, pulling the man closer and wrapping him in his arms. Dean curled around the angel and finally took comfort in his lean frame.

“That I won’t be able to beat this… that I’ll lose you or Sam… somehow I’ll fail. I’m scared that I’ll turn out like dad… that I’ll lose my family…” Dean trailed off, his voice shaking and unable to continue. Cas ran his fingers through the man’s short hair, holding him closer as they both curled around each other and fell back on the bed.

Dean’s head ended up cradled against the crook of Cas’ neck and the angel kissed his temple lightly. Dean had on arm wrapped around Cas’ waist, his other lost somewhere under the weight of the angel. Cas cradled him like a small child and whispered soothing words.

“You will not lose us, Dean. You will not lose me. I won’t let you,” Cas mumbled, pulling Dean closer to plant his lips on Dean’s. Dean melted into the action, losing himself to Castiel. Somehow, they ended up tangled together with Dean on top, eagerly pressing closer to Cas. Cas’ hands lowered to wrap tightly around Dean’s neck and shoulders. Dean’s hands balanced his weight on either side of Cas, dripping the sheets in tight fists.

Cas managed to pull away, kissing down Dean’s jaw and nipping at his skin. Dean gasped sharply, humming deeply into the action. Cas began to run his hands along Dean’s chest, lifting and pulling at the man’s shirt. Dean eagerly lifted the fabric over his head, off balance long enough for Cas to push him over and gain his position on top.

“You will not lose me, Dean. We will win this battle and you will never turn out like your father,” Cas smiled reassuringly as he captured Dean’s lips again, straddling Dean in a torturous way. Dean moaned and bucked up against Cas’ hips, eliciting a replying moan from Cas. His heart stopped in his chest as he relished the delicious sound, his lips eagerly moving against Castiel’s. 

“Cas –” Dean whispered the man’s name breathlessly as the angel’s hands ghosted across his skin. Cas smiled and nipped at Dean’s collarbone, getting the man to dig his nails into the angel’s back. “Damn it, how thorough was Sam?” Dean groaned, arching against the angel and capturing his lips again. Cas gasped, allowing Dean entry and beginning their tongue battle. Dean easily overpowered the inexperienced angle, both moaning loudly as the appendages tangled.

They pulled away, a thin line of saliva connecting their bruising lips. Cas’ face was flushed, his angelic features finally driving Dean mad with lust. He growled low in his throat and pulled Cas over, tanking at the man’s many layers of clothing as he did so. Cas gratefully allowed him to pull his suit jacket and dress shirt off, tossing the clothes on the floor along with Dean’s.

Cas pressed his palm over Dean’s shoulder, his hand fitting perfectly with the mark. Their naked chests touched and sent chilling waves of pleasure down their spines. Dean kissed down Cas’ jaw, nipping at the flesh and getting Cas to arch against him. In a second, accompanied by a loud moan from the angel, a burst of light seared through the room. Startled, Dean pulled away to ask if Cas was all right – instead he had his breath stolen.

Cas’ back was arched as the man clung to him in pleasure. Now, spread out on the bed, were two of the most breathtakingly beautiful wings Dean had ever laid eyes on. Black feathers fluffed and shook in expectation for their owner, both regal wings arching and curving around both men elegantly. Although the wings were black, Dean only craved to be closer and let the darkness swallow him, knowing it was only a deception for light.

“Cas,” Dean breathed the man’s name lightly, getting a perplexed look out of the angel. Before he could say anything, Dean was kissing him again, his hands intertwining though the feathers.

“Ah, Dean – you should not be able to see those,” Cas managed to warn breathlessly as Dean’s unknowing actions sent chills coursing down his spine. Dean chuckled against the angel’s skin and bucked his hips, eliciting another delicious moan.

“They’re gorgeous – you’re gorgeous,” Dean hummed as he pulled Castiel in for another kiss. The angel eagerly complied, only his brows furrowed in confusion now. He lost himself to Dean, only remembering his wings when they arched out and sent a lamp crashing to the ground. They pulled away and shared a glance to their now darkened left, smiling to each other as Cas finally sat up.

Dean scanned over the angel with new interest, his eyes drinking in the perfect wings attached to the perfect man. He traced his hands down Cas’ collarbone and shoulders as the angel leaned in and planted feather light kisses on his chest. Dean pulled him closer, the angel practically sitting in his lap as he moved his hands back towards the mysterious wings. He intertwined his fingers at the based connected to Cas’ back and suddenly Cas stopped everything. He let out a guttural moan as he melted against Dean, his actions forgotten as his mind went haywire with pleasure.

“D-Dean –” Cas could barely finish the man’s name before Dean curled his fingers in the feather’s and Cas cut himself off with a shamefully loud moan. Dean gasped when Cas shifted his weight in his lap and bucked down, getting them both to moan lowly. Cas was soon exacting his revenge when he bit down on Dean’s shoulder and dropped his hands, fumbling with the hunter’s restricting pants.

They both soon clambered out of any remaining clothes, their eyes locking in a gaze that perfectly summarized the term “eye fuck”. Without thinking, Cas laid back on the bed, his wings stretched out to either side, and pulled Dean on top of him. They didn’t question the roles decided – it just felt natural.

“I’ve never –”

“I’m an angel, Dean, so neither have I.”

And with those last spoken sentences, Dean pulled Cas in for a kiss and Castiel complied completely. He wrapped his arms tightly around the hunter’s shoulders and pulled him as close as they could get.

“Ready when you are, Cas,” Dean mumbled against the angel’s lips, his hands gripping tighter into Castiel’s glistening black feathers.  
____________________

Dean awoke with Cas cradled against his chest. He decided then that this was his favorite way to wake up. He sighed contentedly and pulled the angel closer, curling around him comfortably. At this, Castiel began to stir and, for the first time, Dean realized the angel had fallen asleep. Cas stretched out in the sun, his wings arching behind his back as he curled up in the sun like a sleeping cat.

“Mm, morning, Dean,” Castiel hummed, kissing the man’s shoulder lightly. Dean hummed and shifted closer, wrapping the angel securely in his arms. Cas stiffened for a second, his wings vanishing as he relaxed into the embrace.

“Good morning, angel,” Dean smiled, his hazel eyes sparkling brightly. He kissed Cas on the forehead, closing his eyes and relishing in Cas’ presence. 

They stayed in bed for hours, simply curled together and kissing because they could. They touched and held each other because they could and stayed silent so that they could memorize each other. Hours passed and they stayed in bed, soon only moving to take a shower.

Dean pressed Cas against the tiled shower wall, hungrily claiming the angel’s lips with his own. Cas moaned and wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist, allowing the man to hold him tightly. One hand grabbed at Dean’s hair while the other sharply clawed at his back.

The water ran down their bodies and soaked them through, their kisses even wetter and sloppier. Dean pressed the angel tightly to the wall, giving the angel almost no room to move or attempt to break free. He forced the angel’s hands above his head, holding his hands by the wrists with one of his.

Cas managed to pull his lips away, nipping down Dean’s jaw and neck as the man moaned and arched against the angel. The water streamed between their bodies, Cas’ lips slick against Dean’s skin. His back arched and his wings appeared, getting Dean to growl lightly as his hand abandoned Cas’ wrists and trailed down to grip tightly in the feathers.

Their bodies melded together and pleasure seared through both their beings. Cas’ grace shook and rattled in his body, his wings spreading out to painfully push against the tiled walls. Bottles fell to the ground, shampoo and conditioner spilling randomly. Both ignored it, too absorbed in each other to mind anything else.

With each mindless action, Cas arched and keened against Dean, the human clawing at feathers and grasping to hold onto anything he could. Cas cried out, white light pulsing through the room as the angel clung to the human desperately. Dean followed soon after, calling the angels’ name with a raspy voice.

They fell to their knees, Cas landing in Dean’s lap. His wings vanished as water cascaded down on both of them, Dean holding Castiel tightly in his arms.

“Dean,” Cas breathed his name, flustered and flushed. He panted against Dean, his breath warming Dean’s neck.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean whispered, just as breathless as Cas had been.

For a moment, both sat under the water and held each other as any grime they had accumulated washed away. Dean soon stretched to reach a cloth, lathering it in soap and gently running it along Cas’ skin. Cas hummed, smiling against Dean’s neck as he let the man wash him. Soon, he grabbed a different cloth and did the same, his smile reaching his eyes as he caught Dean’s gaze.

“You need to smile more,” Dean whispered, his eyes scanning over Cas in a very appreciative manner. Cas chuckled lightly, his hands roaming sinfully over Dean’s whole body. Finally, they allowed the soap to wash from their bodies and both stood. They got dressed; Cas – much to Dean’s surprise – simply grabbed a pair of Dean’s sweats and one of his shirts. Dean did the same, both moving to pile back on the bed.

“Dean, Cas, we’re coming in,” Sam called as a warning before entering the hotel room. Dean and Cas shifted to a more innocent position, Cas still wrapped tightly in Dean’s arms and laying against his chest.

“Welcome back,” Dean teased, watching as Sam walked in with Gabriel behind him. They all exchanged their hello’s and greetings, Sam and Gabriel falling onto their bed comfortably, intertwining with each other.

“Whatcha watchin’, Dean-o?” Gabriel teased, getting slap out of Sam. Dean ignored Gabriel, instead turning his attention to Sam.

“Sam, I wanted to… well… thank you,” Dean mumbled, his eyes averting any specific gaze with Sam.

“Where’s this coming from, Dean,” Sam questioned, looking a bit concerned for his brother.

“Thank you for staying around… for dealing with dad… Thank you for staying with me,” Dean mumbled, Cas squeezing his hand reassuringly. Dean smiled weakly before he returned his attention to the television.

Dean…” Sam watched his brother with questioning eyes, noting a tear at the edge of Dean’s. Instead of saying anything, he pulled Gabe closer and curled up with him, watching the television distantly.

“No, thank you, Dean.”


End file.
